Photo by Patty Maher
This is the introduction to my upcoming novel BORN FIRST.
Have you ever finished a book, placed it on your lap, and pondered how much it was going to change your life? It was the kind of book all of your friends had recommended to you because it was full of wisdom, beautiful prose, and amazing three-dimensional characters. The plot left you thinking it would be nominated for every book award possible and made into a movie starring an A-list celebrity cast.
Well, this is not going to be one of those books. I’ve tried writing one of those fuckers and nobody bought it. I take that back, some people did buy it and then trashed it on Amazon causing me to dwindle in size because I ceased eating and started binge drink in the mornings, smoking weed in the afternoon and snorting cocaine around midnight–then repeat the next day.
Yes, it can be done, just takes practice.
I lashed out on Social Media, blaming all those Twitter-bugs and so-called Facebook friends of mine for making me never want to write another book again. But, alas, all that did was make them block and un-follow me causing the gaping wound in my writer’s soul to widen. Within days, I was found by a family member cowering on the floor, filthy, unshaven (My underarm hair grew long enough to braid.) whispering: “Rosebud”.
After 90 days in rehab and doctors agreeing I was no longer a danger to myself, just to old wooden snow sleds, I went back to the drawing board. I returned to the genre that’s worked for me in the past: Psychological Thriller. But for the life of me, I couldn’t get motivated. I started and quit 3 different manuscripts over a four month period. My muse didn’t just desert me, I think she changed her passport and decided to join Trump’s cabinet (always knew that bitch was a Republican). Lucky for me, Trump found out she was gay and fired her when he grabbed her, you know where, and she clobbered him right in his colossal snout. Which, FYI: was why he ended up sniffing repeatedly during the National Debates in 2016. She dramatically eluded the Secret Service of course, because she’s not human duh?—and returned pestering me with incipient conceptions and fancy words e.g. (incipient). So, I took her back and commenced a brief outline filling inspired again.
Last week, I researched books which had made it onto the New York Times Best Sellers List and lo and behold what do I see? It’s full of nothing but Psychological Thrillers and one cook book. What’s with writers these days? The world isn’t already cruel enough for you? Obviously not, so you had to go write more violent books where women and children get abducted, chopped, sliced and diced, raped and tortured. Hell, if I wanted more of that, I’d watch the news all day. We can’t all be Gillian Flynn or Paula Hawkins folks. Sorry to have to break the news to you. But they are great, right? That’s why I had to try once again. I mean, honestly, could you really see me trying to write a romance novel? Or worse, a Paranormal book? I’d start inhaling glue in the mornings. So let’s get a few things straight right now. This is the story about Olivia and Sophia Benson. They are identical twins who enjoy doing terrible things to each other. Or I enjoy making them do terrible things; it’s a complicated relationship as you’ll soon find out. And. As a result of performing these terrible acts, more horrific events come down the pike. What makes this puzzling is the fact that they appear to have a set of loving, albeit aloof, mother and father, Abby and Perry. OR ARE THEY? Sorry, I accidentally hit the Caps Lock key.
Wait, wait, wait, I already can hear your cantankerous (For the record, anything in parenthesis is typed with invisible keys so editors or famous people who might sue me can’t read.) demands for answers. Is this going to be a Psychological Thriller or not? Why do you people have to be such a buzz kill? If you break the two words down by definition: Psychological is rooted in Psychology which includes, but isn’t limited to a person’s brain, affecting, or arising in the mind; related to the mental and emotional state, psychosomatic, emotional, irrational, subjective, subconscious, unconscious of a person. (That’s what Google says, so it must be correct.)
Next, let’s tackle this lovely word: Thriller. I’m not going to provide you a definition because if you’ve been alive for the last 10 years, which I’ll just, go ahead and assume you have. Then, you should know what it means. But it differs from one individual to the next. For instance, some of you may have read one or all of Gillian Flynn’s books and were not thrilled in the least. If so, may a plague of 100,000 pieces of chewed up strawberry bubblegum fall on your house. (Hey, I should probably add Gillian Flynn to the invisible keys now, shouldn’t I?) Bottom line is yes. This will indeed be a Psychological Thriller/Suspense story.
Some of it will even creep you out.
Gross you out.
Keep you guessing until the end.
Things tend to get messy with twin stories, don’t they? Especially, when it’s about identical twins, think of all the things they can share—and I’m not just talking about clothes, honey. There’s silverware, glasses, plates, books and cars. I digress… And I need to get something to eat. My blood sugar is low.
Had lunch and feel better, now where was I? Ah, yes, the story about twins. At first, I thought about making both girls psychotic, I mean the beat the crap out of each other, rip off their heads and shit down their necks. COME BACK! I SEE YOU TURNING OFF YOUR KINDLE. This is why I didn’t write them that way… But, please, don’t you other fans of senseless violence be deterred either. They’ll be plenty of that to keep your blood flowing. The twins have no idea what I have in store for them. It’s going to be so much fun. The whole thing takes place in Pittsburgh, PA where I grew up. Music I’ll be listening to while I write will be mostly pop. Although, lately I can’t get the Broadway soundtrack of Hamilton out of my head, they rocked the Tony Awards, didn’t they?
Okay, enough of me babbling, let’s get this show on the road. Many more surprises to come…oh, Jason! Hurry up and go to the bathroom, we will wait… Everyone else went when they were supposed to. Shh! Readers, come, let’s all go hide while Jason is away, then jump up and scream when he returns. That’ll teach him. Don’t mess with the writer, people. Please be quite and turn off all cell phones, the curtain is about to rise. This reminds me, I need to take my 35th selfie of the day so you all know how young and beautiful I am and will continue reading. Enjoy the drama.
PS. Beta Readers, thanks for the feedback!